Separated at Birth

Published: April 17, 2009

By Jim Lichtman
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What do octuplets’ mom Nadya Suleman and former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich have in common?

They both share a desperate/obsessive need for drama played out in the media.


Wednesday, the embattled Blagojevich pleaded not guilty to 16 federal criminal counts stemming from a variety of corruption and kickback schemes that included an exchange of money for the Senate seat vacated by President Barack Obama.  Although he said little in court, Blagojevich offered little more to the crush of reporters in front of the courthouse.

“Black care never catches a rider whose pace is fast enough,” Blagojevich said in what has to rank as the most incoherent variation of a Teddy Roosevelt quote ever heard.

Suleman, who gave birth to eight infants last January, has been viewed on all manner of media from NBC to Dr. Phil to an internet camera that follows her around the house caring for her family of 14.  Looking for additional ways to expand her profile, Suleman has filed an application to trademark the word “Octomom.”  Although she originally disliked the reference, Suleman seems to have changed her mind when a lawyer pointed out the potential for revenue.

“…the idea,” attorney Jeff Czech said, “would be for others to use it for licensing.”

“Suleman,” according to People magazine (April 15), “has been contacted by clothing designers and manufacturers of dolls and infant accessories.  ‘We’ve had phone calls,’ [Czech confirmed] ‘but it’s a stretch to call them offers,’ he says, adding that he’s currently in the midst of negotiations with producers for a reality TV show involving Suleman.”

And what about Blago?

Well, his next stop just might be the jungles of Costa Rica.  The New York Times (April 15) reports that “NBC… had reached a tentative deal for Mr. Blagojevich to appear in a reality show planned for this summer.

“Based on the hit U.K. reality show, I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! is a live series event…  Ten celebrities of various backgrounds will be dropped into the heart of the Costa Rican jungle to face challenges designed to test their skills in adapting to the wilderness and to raise money for their favorite charities. Rod Blagojevich will be a participant on the show pending the court’s approval.”

But wait, I think there’s a better, cheaper solution for NBC.  Why not kill two obsessive-compulsives with one show?

I’m an Indicted Ex-Governor Trapped in a House with the Octomom, Get Me the Hell out of Here! stars both Blagojevich and Suleman.

Blagojevich would be dropped into the heart of Suleman’s house until HE can convince HER that he never asked for or accepted a bribe; while SHE must convince HIM that she never intended to have more than 7 kids!

I can hear the promo now:  “She’s a fun-loving mom with a penchant for pearls and pregnancy. He’s an indicted ex-governor with nothing but time on his hands (for now).

“Nadya, have you seen my kickback checks?”

“I think they’re next to the pallet of Pampers in the hallway, Hon!”

(audience laughter)

“Oh, Nadya!”

“Oh, Blago!”

Oh, God!


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