Looking for a more rewarding job? Good with people? Good with numbers? We’re looking for a few thousand upwardly mobile individuals capable of enjoying perks like a company credit card, bonuses and absolutely no accountability.
If you’re that kind of individual, you might just be our kind of employee!
The IRS is hiring! That’s right, the Internal Revenue Service, our nation’s “finest” tax administrator, is currently staffing up and looking for highly motivated individuals who are ready, willing and able to do things like travel to expensive conferences on the tax-payers dime, make crazy conference (but entertaining) videos with absolutely no redeeming value, and utilize the tax-payer credit card for all kinds of extra charges that add up to millions. And hey, don’t worry about those annoying misconduct or fraud charges. You’ll get your bonus and then some.
Unsure? Check out what the Treasury’s Inspector General’sreport has to say about our benefits… or rather, let me bullet point it for you:
* Between October 1, 2010, and Dec. 31, 2012, the IRS paid $2.8 million in bonuses to employees.
* And those were just the employees cited in the past year for such things as drug use, making violent threats, fraudulently claiming unemployment benefits, and misusing government credit cards.
But wait that’s not all!
* Worried about failing to pay your taxes? Don’t be. Many of those same employees who received bonuses failed to pay theirtaxes and they’re doing just fine. According to The Washington Post (Apr. 23) “The report said more than 1,100 employees who failed to pay their taxes received discretionary awards of more than $1 million in cash bonuses and more than 10,000 hours in extra paid vacation.”
The Post also confirms that “…at the IRS, breaking the federal tax laws you were hired to enforce and running afoul of other agency rules aren’t considered relevant to performance-based awards.”
How can we do all this?
* We can offer excellent “performance-based” bonuses because “The IRS’s contract with the National Treasury Employees Union bars the agency from considering bad conduct when making performance-based awards.”
* Disclaimer: we reserve the right to withhold bonuses to employees who target certain groups claiming non-profit status like Bob and Betty’s Tea Party Emporium.
So, if you’re a talented, young egg-head… heck, even if you’renot, and would like to make a difference while living off the fat of the taxpayer, you just might be the person we’re looking for.
And hey, if you’re scared by all the recent media attention and threats from members of Congress about “reform” and “penalizing” violators, don’t be. We’re the IRS, nothing scares us… except two words that we never, ever utter: Flat Tax.
