I realized that in today’s fast-paced, scandal-driven, ADD-addicted, multi-platform media age, everybody offers awards but me!

No longer.

Owing to the ‘true’ American spirit of our fast-paced, yada, yada, yada age, I hereby offer The (First Annual?) Ethics Stupid Turkey Awards.

Honorable mention:

* Rudy the Parrot. C’mon folks, are we really that desperate to “Find out what’s happening, right now,” that we need electronic tweets from a parrot? e.g.: “major development I HAVE MASTERED THE HUMAN TOILET ok can’t flush it yet but i’m working on that…” How many twits tweet this bird?

* Clint Eastwood & the empty chair. Final proof that actors,even Eastwood, need a script… please.

10. “The Donald.” Just when you think Trump can’t trump his last inane comment, guess what… he does! His ‘October Surprise’ rant on YouTube cements his reputation as the 21st century’s top billionaire bone-head. Real Q: Why does the media continue to give this guy air time?

9. Wal-Mart. Caught violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act with illegal payments to Mexican officials. CNBC: the $24 million in bribes “amount to roughly two hours’revenue…” Target’s not looking so bad now.

8. New Orleans Saints. NFL uncovers secret slush fund that paid players “bounties” for injuring opponents. Head coach Sean Payton suspended for one year, defensive coordinator Gregg Williams banned indefinitely. That’s it, Roger?

7. Missouri Republican Senate candidate Todd Akin for his “legitimate rape” remark TIED with Texas Democratic Congressional candidate Kesha Rogers whose campaign said “[President] Obama… pushed policies made notorious by the Adolph Hitler regime…” (Oh, and she supports fellow Texan Lyndon Larouche for president, too.) Receiving 50.7 percent, Rogers won re-election; mercifully, Akin lost.

6. Grover Norquist. Defeated, but unbowed. “Our goal is to shrink government to the size where we can drown it in a bathtub.” Tell that to Chris Christie and hurricane victims, Grovey! (Reagan wouldn’t allow this guy within 100 miles of the White House on Christmas Eve.) The real outrage is DC lawmakers who cannot grasp that there is only ONE Pledge: to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States,” Period! Here’s hoping new Rs return needed sanity to the party of R.R.

5. Lance Armstrong. Seven-time Tour de France winner goes from hero to zero after final verdict from U.S. Anti-Doping Agency declares biggest doping swindle ever making Lance biggest dope.

4. Karl Rove. After raising/spending more than $100 million through Super-Duper PACs, GOP strategist goes into panic mode on election night telling Fox anchors not to give Ohio to Obama despite network’s own analysts’ call. Megyn Kelly to Rove: “Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?”

3. Paula Broadwell. How come the women involved in sex scandals rarely receive the same negative attention as the men, and married ones, at that?

2. The Media for beating us up with every conceivable angle of coverage on the Petraeus scandal including “news” footage of Broadwell through the window of a private residence.

1. Money in politics. Yes, the millions spent by Super PACs went to candidates that were largely defeated, but MONEY remains the number one influencer in politics. Think it’s bad now, just wait till 2016!

Happy Thanksgiving, or, as “Rudy” might tweet @RudyTheParrot: BRAWK!  gobble, gobble…