Everything Everywhere All at Once

Published: March 18, 2023

By Jim Lichtman
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SPECIAL AWARDS EDITION

While the odds-makers in Vegas are focused on March Madness everyone everywhere is focused on The Big 4 awards . . . in New York, Georgia, Washington, and Mar-a-Lago, and one special prize.

Let’s dive into the first award of the night from New York.

While the Trump organization was already found guilty of fraud and falsifying business records and fined $1.6 million, the first award of the evening is in the category of . . .

Best “It Can’t Be More Obvious” Hush Money Pay-Off

While Donald Trump has denied sleeping, much less paying hush money to silence porn star Stormy Daniels, his fixer recounted all the details to a grand jury. Prosecutors are examining whether Trump falsified business records by reimbursing fixer Michael Cohen. If it is proven that he did so, Trump–running for president at that time–could possibly be in violation of federal election laws by using campaign money.

And the whiner is . . .  Donald Trump!

Let’s go to Georgia. And the category is. . .

Best Spilling the Beans.

Prosecutors spent 8 months investigating Trump’s attempt to overturn election results. Trump has called Fulton Country lead prosecutor, Fani Willis a “young, ambitious, Radical Left Democrat . . .  who is presiding over one of the most crime-ridden and corrupt places.”

However, in the recorded phone conversation with Republican Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, Trump impeaches his own character: “I just want to find 11,780 votes.”

Meanwhile, in Trump’s palatial Mar-a-Lago estate down in Florida, the category is . . .

Best “Even by Thinking About it” Rationalization

Facing possible legal sanctions for willfully taking classified and top-secret documents to his Florida home, Trump told Sean Hannity that he can declassify documents “even by thinking about it.”

(And supporters buy this?)

Next up, a special award just created by our panel ten minutes ago.

Best Political Hypocrite

Inside the Capitol on January 6, 2020, with insurrectionists shouting “Hang Mike Pence” ringing throughout the building, former Vice President Mike Pence and family members were rushed to a secure location.

Here’s what Mr. Pence said on June 3, 2021:

“President Trump and I have spoken many times since we left office, and I don’t know if we’ll ever see eye-to-eye on that day.”

Here’s what the new, likely-to-be-running-for-president, Mike Pence told a crowd at a recent dinner after his burning bush moment:

“President Trump was wrong. I had no right to overturn the election. And his reckless words endangered my family and everyone at the Capitol that day, and I know history will hold Donald Trump accountable. . . . Make no mistake about it — what happened that day was a disgrace. And it mocks decency to portray it any other way.”

Well, Mr. Vice-President, your earlier portrayal of the “other way,” just earned you the Best Political Hypocrite of the year. You might want to hang it down in the loading dock of the Capitol building where you were stationed during the assault.

In the category of . . .

Best Demagogue

Oh my God. It’s a tie!

The winners are . . . Tucker Carlson and Donald Trump.

Wait a second, Mr. Trump is not happy about this announcement.

“What did he say, Bob? We couldn’t hear him back in the Fake news section.”

Trump just called Carlson a “Fake demagogue. You can check out my TruthSocial handle: @realtrumpdemagogue.”

Finally, back to Washington for the best of the best . . .

The Big Kahuna Award

For inciting the January 6, 2020 insurrection at the US Capitol building.

The House Select Committee on Jan. 6, found enough evidence to make a referral to the Justice Department which is examining thousands of pages of documents and interviews for possible criminal charges. And the winner is likely to be . . .

Sorry, the jury’s still out on this one. But . . . Trump just might . . . . might be indicted on a “write-in.”

Stay tuned.

Comments

  1. Wow–you yourself deserve an award.
    It made me laugh and cry, especially the “Best “It Can’t Be More Obvious” Hush Money Pay-Off… And the “whiner” is . . . D.T.”

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