“I’m your host, Ben Bernardo. Donald Trump are you ready to take a ride in the Cash Cab to the courthouse?”

“What do I have to lose?”

“Instead of the usual cash prizes, Mr. President, you will be awarded defense points that could possibly be used in the courtroom.

“The rules are simple, I will ask you a question. If you answer correctly you receive defense points. However, for every incorrect answer, you will receive a strike. If you’re not sure of any answer you can use a mobile phone shout-out allowing you to call a friend for help. You can also use a street shout-out from anyone on the street. However, if you use any of those answers and they’re wrong, it’s a strike against you. Three strikes and you’ll lose your points and I’ll have to kick you out of the cab. The questions start out easy, then get harder as we continue the ride.

“President Donald Trump: Are you ready to play Cash Cab!?”

“I’m ready for anything, Ben.”

“Okay, It’s 15 blocks to the courthouse downtown. Here is your first question: Where is the location of Trump Tower?

“Easy . . . 725 5^th Avenue.”

“That’s correct, Mr. President. You just earned 10 defense points. Second question: How many charges are listed on your indictment?”

“Hundreds, Ben.”

“Ohhhh, I’m sorry that’s incorrect, and that is your first strike. It’s 34 charges, 34. However, you still have a chance to earn defense points. Next question: What is Stormy Daniels’s birth name?”

“Hmmm, I’d like to use a mobile phone shout-out, Ben. . . . Hello, Rudy, Mr. President, here. I’m in the Cash Cab. Do you know the birth name of Stormy Daniels?”

—long pause—

“Rudy, what’s the answer? I’ve got defense points on the line, here.”

“I’m going to need your answer, Mr. President.”

“Stephanie Clifford?”

“That’s right! You’ve just earned 10 more defense points. We’re 10 blocks from the courthouse. Next question: How many attorneys have you hired to handle the Stormy Daniels case?”

“Hundreds, Ben.”

“Oh, Strike Two!

“The answer is 4 . . . . 4 that we know of.

“Next question, and remember, you still have one street shout-out you can use. Here’s your question: President Trump, how many Secret Service agents are being paid by taxpayers for your protection?”

“Hundreds.”

“That’s CORRECT! You just scored 20 defense points. And we’re 5 blocks away from the courthouse. Next question. Think carefully, now. What was the exact date of the insurrection at the Capitol by your supporters in Washington, DC?”

“I’d like a street shout-out, Ben.

“Oh look, it’s Marjorie Taylor Greene; pull over. Marjorie, Donald. I’m in the Cash Cab: What was the date of the insurrection?”

“It wasn’t an insurrection, Mr. President. It was a peaceful protest, remember? And it happened on New Year’s Day.”

“January 1st, Ben.”

“Is that your final answer, Mr. President?”

“Yes.”

“Ooooooooh, I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. It was January 6 . . . January 6, 2021. You lose your defense points and I’m going to have to kick you out of the cab Mr. President, but thanks for playing Cash Cab.”

“You cabbies are all a part of the greatest witch hunt in New York history.

“Marjorie, can I get a ride from you down to the courthouse?”