“I’m choosing this as a battle. On this I will stand. I will win, or I will die, I’m not backing down. I’m never giving up. I love this.” – Alex Jones, InfoWars

Courtesy Dan Piraro, Bizarro.com

Well, for Jones, the battle not only didn’t last long, but he didn’t die, either.

Earlier this month, Jones’s “war” with Chobani yogurt maker Hamdi Ulukaya, a Turkish immigrant founder of Chobani, which employs approximately 2,000 at its processing plant in Twin Falls, Idaho, came to an end.

According to a story in The New York Times, the following headline was reported on both InfoWars.com and The Alex Jones Channel on YouTube: “Idaho Yogurt Maker Caught Importing Migrant Rapists.”

“The InfoWars video,” The Times writes, “promoted on Twitter on April 11 reported that three children involved in the assault were refugees, and then it gave details of Chobani’s policy of hiring refugees in the city.

“The Twin Falls County prosecutor, Grant Loebs, said in an interview on Tuesday that the assault case had nothing to do with Chobani. He said he was not authorized to speak about the details because the case involved minors, although he noted that the local news media had been reporting on it since it happened last year.”

On April 24, Chobani filed a lawsuit against Jones claiming that the right-wing radio host had posted “false” and “defamatory” reports about the company and its founder.

Fast forward to May 17.

In a statement, Jones said, “During the week of April 10, 2017, certain statements were made on the InfoWars Twitter feed and YouTube channel regarding Chobani L.L.C. that I now understand to be wrong. The tweets and video have now been retracted and will not be reposted. On behalf of InfoWars, I regret that we mischaracterized Chobani, its employees and the people of Twin Falls, Idaho, the way we did.”

“Chobani,” The Times writes in an updated story, “started as a yogurt business in upstate New York and expanded to Twin Falls, a city of about 46,500 south of Boise. Mr. Ulukaya became the target of anti-immigrant ire after he stepped up his advocacy for refugees, employing more than 300 of them in his factories and starting a foundation to help migrants.

“The lawsuit filed by Chobani said Mr. Jones and his companies had declined to remove the reports or publish a retraction despite multiple written demands and noted that Mr. Jones was ‘no stranger to spurious statements.’

“It cited his previous contentions that the Sept. 11 attacks were orchestrated by the United States government and that the 2012 shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., was a hoax concocted by those hostile to the Second Amendment.”

In March, The Times points out, Jones made an earlier apology for promoting Pizzagate, another false story that led 28-year-old Edgar Maddison Welch to travel to Comet Pizza with an AR-15-style rifle to self-investigate the report that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Campaign Manager John Podesta were running a child-sex ring out of the pizza parlor.

On May 20, Jones begins his broadcast by teasing that he’s going to give us the real story behind the Chobani settlement.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is Saturday, May 20th, 2017, I’m Alex Jones, here on my day off, my one day off, because I’ve got to respond to the incredible defamation, slander, disinformation, racketeering, fraud. I don’t know what you call it when it’s this organized. But my lawyers – some of the best in the country – in New York and L.A., you name it, say it is UN-precedented…

“Let’s just say this: what Stephen Colbert said last night on CBS, is absolute lies and disinformation. …

“First off, two days ago, I’ve already put Chobani on notice that they are now not to destroy any documents. They have a notice of breech of settlement and litigation hold. Now again, these are confidential communications. I can’t show these to you. I have the settlement agreement here, as well. …

“And now my lawyers have told me, because they [Chobani] did breech this. We have the evidence, that they breeched the confidential settlement that they asked for. We’re going to be able to bring all this out, regardless. We have demand letters in, right now – that they stop damaging us and release the settlement that is the opposite of what Stephen Colbert says. Because I told you we would fight and we did. We tried to give folks some face-saving things, that didn’t work. So now, like the mud flaps on the back of an 18-wheeler with Yosemite Sam, double barrels up, back off!”

Jones then moves into a rant parsing all the wrong information put forth by comedian Colbert’s alt-right fictional character “Tuck Buckford.”

Let me repeat that in case Mr. Jones is looking at this website: COMEDIAN Stephen Colbert’s… FICTIONAL character.

“Then I’m gonna come back,” Jones continues, “and go over exactly what’s happening with Chobani and their board of directors. We don’t just have our lawyers intel, we also have intel from folks who have been in these meetings. We know exactly what’s going on. In fact it’s what I told my lawyers weeks ago, of what I thought was going on and now they’ve confirmed that ‘yes, it’s what you thought: a giant publicity stunt supposedly riding on MY back!”

After telling us that he’s going to give us the real story about the Chobani settlement, Jones takes us for a tour of his past prescient news stories by InfoWars.

I had to watch all 25 minutes to discover… that’s the show. No breaking “intel” about the settlement. No details about “what’s happening with Chobani and their board of directors.” Zero.

“The truth,” Jones concludes, “will come out. We dealt in good faith. We were nice. We followed our agreements, and those have now been broken. And so, now the truth will come out!”

The truth about the Chobani settlement may be out there. When and where Jones discloses that truth is anyone’s guess.

Oh, and let me remind Mr. Jones of one small detail in case his lawyers have forgotten to explain it to him. Late Night comedian Stephen Colbert has the same right to Free Speech as you do, Mr. Jones.

But after this commentary… I wish I had my 25 minutes back.